The Pretty Girl Who Couldn’t Stop Talking

5 Years Ago: 

Nervously, I sit in a cafe in Los Angeles, waiting for possibly, the most attractive woman I have ever been on a date with to arrive.

After two impromptu (perhaps divinely inspired), random meetings in the space of 3 days, I had racked up the courage and I asked her out. She said yes and I couldn’t believe my luck. Well, now I am waiting and she is 10 minutes late, perhaps my insecurities are right, a girl like that, she is way, way to pretty for me. The sweet little thing she probably didn’t have the heart to say no. I am pretty sure she is going to pull a no show. I get up to leave…

AND THEN BANG…

… she walks in, this divine, sent from heaven piece of God’s creation, a shapely silhouette cast in a golden hue, lovingly kissed by the early morning sun. My heart falls from my body and crashes down onto the ground, my mouth falls open, I am without words, I don’t know what to say…

The truth is, I did not need to have any words, because this little “piece of heaven” did more than enough talking for both of us… DAMN! Did she have a motor on that mouth!

For the next 90 minutes I think I said approximately 3 words. She was vulnerability gone crazy, she was authenticity without a filter; this was the romantic hard sell fueled by desperation gone crazy. She had me before hello… but she lost me shortly after.

Why?

Because it was too much too soon. It was all about her. There was such a heavy load of vulnerability and transparency trying to get across this very weak relational bridge. I didn’t have a chance to breathe, to share, to strengthen the bridge ­­ and so she became quickly unattractive.

It reminds me a lot of how many Real Estate Professionals are using social media.

Social Media is the First Date!

Whether you like it or not it is becoming increasingly likely that the first place a person will meet a Real Estate Professional is on social media. Make bad first impressions and you will lose a potential client nearly every time.

Let’s look at the way in which many “professionals” are inadvertently using social media in the context of the social space being a “first date.”

7 Terrible First Date Techniques

No one has the perfect dating technique, we all make mistakes, we each have tendencies that will push us or pull us in one or many of the following directions.

1. The Much too Fast Dude

“Hey baby, let’s get out of here and do the jiggy horizontal thing?”

“What? I haven’t even ordered my starter yet!”

Nothing kills the intimacy of a first date, like a transaction focussed sex fiend who isn’t interested in getting to know the whole person. Speed kills, rushing is a symptom of anxiety, greed or of someone who far more interested in themselves than the other party.

In my experience many real estate professionals make this mistake on social media. If I say hello, the very next question is about “am I interested in a transaction?” They are moving way to fast, focussed on the one thing and forgetting about the very real human being at the other of the conversation.

If you wish to use social media to build a strong real estate business then you are going to have to slow down, take your time and trust the process of building relationships.

 

2. The Poorly-Dressed Woman

“I was dressed to the nines for our date to the opera but she arrived wearing shopping bags and an old potato sack.”

OR

“We just sat down to dinner at this fancy French restaurant and I was so sure I had “finally met the one,” then he lifted his leg and loudly broke wind just as we were beginning the soup.”

When we go on a first date we should dress appropriately and watch our mouths out of respect and a healthy desire to woo and attract the other party. Yes, vulnerability is important and transparency is critical but dating is still dating and the intimacy of the relationship grows over time as trust and desire increase.

Again remember social media is primarily a place of first impression and an opportunity to build rapport with your kind of people.

Dating is a dance, the right girl with 7 brothers “might” actually find it highly amusing to hear you “drop one” at that fancy French restaurant; it could help her to relax, it could pull down some walls and become something that you laugh about for the rest of your married lives… or not.

Whatever you do on social media… make certain that you are being intentional about making a good first impression. If you want to succeed at doing this you will almost certainly have to avoid making the humdinger of a mistake below…

 

3. There Is Wax In My Ears

Rule #1, never pull anything out of your ears on a first date, but that is not what I am talking about here. I am talking about the person who doesn’t listen at all on the first date, instead they are fixated only on what it is they have to say.

Nothing kills a social media relationship like the inability or lack of desire to listen.

It may surprise you BUT in my opinion, the number 1 reason that you should be active on social media, is that is gives you an opportunity to listen.

As my grandfather used to say… “A listening ear will open the door to many hearts.”

What does listening look like on social media?

It looks like reading, asking questions, waiting, asking more questions, offer ing solutions, solving problems ­­­ it is making everything you do about the other person(s).

4. Sending the Chaperone Instead

“I invited the girl but she sent her grandfather instead.”

If you want to go on a successful date, the chances are that “you” are actually going to have to make an appearance. Yes, it is safer to send someone else, especially if you are nervous, unsure or if you’ve had a traumatic dating experience. But it just does’t work if you are not there.

Sending your best friend in disguise, to pretend to be you won’t work either ­­ trust cannot be built and intimacy isn’t established.

I know this seems like a ridiculously idea but this is exactly what many, many real estate professionals are also doing on social media… They are outsourcing their first date to a marketing company.

When you pull back the excuses (no time), when you strip away the promises of the marketing company (your clients will never know) at the heart of it all is a grand deception ­­ the person/people your clients are talking to is not you.

You would be better to buy a book or take a course on how to date effectively.

 

5. He arranged 17 first dates on the same night

Oh my Lord, this fella is a serious player. With 17 girls scattered across the city at various restaurants and events on one night, he is running from place to place, sitting down for a few brief moments to make the best possible impression before moving on to his next target.

Why would anyone date in this fashion?

Because they are afraid that they might miss out? Because they don’t want to make a choice? Because they have an inflated opinion of their own charisma? Because they have no idea how to treat a woman?

I know it is a ridiculous example, but we commonly see Real Estate Professionals on 8­10 different social media platforms, simultaneously trying to make great first impressions where ever they go!

The result is dilution, it is a watering down of your personhood and your creativity. The more you divide up your brand the less engaging you become ­­­ STOP IT!

Just as a committed person must make a strong choice as to where they will invest their intimacies, so you MUST decide where you and your brand will invest your time, resource and creativity online to build relationships.

You can’t be everywhere effectively and you can’t appeal to everyone and realizing this may change your life!

 

6. Dating For Robots

It was like she wasn’t even present, when she spoke her voice carried no emotion or inflection, when I asked her a question it was as though her answer was prerecorded.

Although science is constantly advancing, there is still no replacement for the human touch, and there never will be. Only a fool would send her robot on a first date. We live in a computerized world, machines perform tasks for us in a single second that hundreds of people working together used to take a day to perform. Things like sending a message to 1000 different people can be done with a single touch of a button.

Have our robots made us relationally lazy?

If you are relying on automated messaging to make a great first impression on social media, your either going to fool your potential clients or offend them ­­ neither is good.

If you are looking for love, your first impression on social media should always be a human one.

7. The Terrified Romantic Who Is Afraid Of Dating

She was a very charismatic lady who was asked out on many dates in her distant youth. She always said no, it wasn’t that she was afraid of a lover, rather she was afraid of the awkwardness of dating, she was afraid of rejection, she was afraid of the affections that lived inside of her…and so she never dated… ever.

30 years later and this “romantic soul” often sees the men whom she denied walking through their small town with their families in tow. She sees their contentment. She envies the way that their lives have advanced. She wonders what her life may have been like if “only” she had said yes.

The strange thing is, men still ask her out on first dates, and she still says no. In her mind she’s too old for that dating thing now… The romance is shrinking from her bones, she is almost certain that she is going to die alone.

Yes, we still meet many real estate professionals who refuse to engage with social media. It is just to awkward, there is to much to learn, after all they’ve done okay without it so far.

Just as love waits for no one, so technology does not tarry in any industry, you have to adapt if you want to thrive.

No date = no love.

No social media = missed opportunity.

The Very Best Dating Techniques

Many of us have been on bad first dates at some time or another, and a large number of us have made some serious mistakes in the manner in which we have engaged new people on social media.

It is fine to make mistakes (make gloriously huge ones), but not learning from them, not continually honing your technique will eventually leave you destitute and lonely.

The main reason we as Real Estate Professionals date so badly when it comes to social media is that we have the wrong goal(s).

  1. We could have a faux goal to have as many first dates as possible, to be popular, to feel like we are moving forward, when really we are just moving sideways.
  2. Secondly, we may be pursuing a self ­gratifying goal, like a sexual conquest or a real estate transaction above everything else.
  3. Or perhaps your goal is to be left alone, to do what you’ve always done, to not grow in a new way.

 

What if there was a higher goal:

What if grabbing this higher goal allowed you to use your time, resource and creativity in the digital space to build a strong network of “lifetime supporters” who really know and love your particular way of doing real estate? Couldn’t his network provide for you with an endless supply of quality referrals?

Perhaps the reason your struggling to use social media to make great first impressions is that you don’t really know who you are looking to build relationships with ­­­ so instead not only have you been dating badly, but you’ve been dating everyone.

This kind of polygamous activity has to stop, it’s messy, it’s dangerous and ultimately it’s unproductive.

It is time to get serious about your real estate career and the opportunity that social media provides. It’s time you doubled down and focussed on exactly who your people are, you are looking for love, nothing more and nothing less!


 

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